Two months ago, I accomplished what seemed nearly impossible only three months prior. I landed a job. What’s more, I am doing work I like and that draws upon my actual past work experience. What?! I know. That’s exactly what I said!

I’m working as a college advisor under a large community development corporation. I work in the Bronx, New York, an area that has been systematically denied resources and adequate education. The job is trying, to say the least. That, of course, makes even the smallest of triumphs ridiculously inspiring. One afternoon, I spent an hour talking to a first year student at Morehouse who was passionate about starting a high school mentoring program in Atlanta while he was in school. I couldn’t stop sharing my joy with those around me as I went through the remainder of my day. My desire to work in community development (no matter the form and role) is reaffirmed daily.

I thought that once I had figured out my job, everything else would be simple. Now, though, I see that wonderings and complications never cease, regardless of how much I like what I am doing. My growing social and financial independence is empowering, but it can also be daunting at times. In addition to trying to figure out how to pay all of my newfound bills and coping with the euthanization of my shopping habit, I am applying to graduate schools for the coming year. The impending changes that I will inevitably go through in the coming months are exciting, scary – and potentially very expensive. On top of all of these concerns that are swirling in my mind, I know that my education and employment now qualify me - in some people's eyes - to shoulder some of the financial burden for my family.

Some weeks ago, my mother called me into her room and asked me how much I would be contributing to the household now that I was working. "Everyone thinks they can live her for free," she said. Flustered, and a little indignant, I thought, "Well, I should be able to live here for free!" I had just graduated from college and was in my first month of working my first salaried job. I had made no secret about saving up much of my salary to build my new-apartment-nest-egg. When my mother asked me to pay rent, I immediately turned into a mother hen trying to protect her offspring. I vehemently argued the reasons why I felt I should be exempt from helping to pay bills at home. After a few minutes of debating back and forth, we agreed to disagree.

I don't know how to succinctly and respectfully communicate how important it is to me that I be given the space to take care of only myself. The notion that I would want to use my education to benefit myself solely, even if only temporarily, seems taboo and (dare I say?) selfish. Sometimes, though, I think irritably that if I'd wanted to be obligated to someone, I would have gotten married or had a child. That is strictly in my it's-all-about-me moments though.

I know that my mother would never intentionally try to stand between me and my aspirations. Despite that, I also recognize that it might be hard for her to really see my point of view. We have led drastically different lives and have experienced things that neither will ever completely relate to. This is a positive thing, though. My mother wouldn't want me to struggle the way she has, just as I am sure that if my mother hadn't provided a constant example of courage and hard work, despite her circumstances, I might not have developed the zeal for success that I harbor today.

The day after our talk about finances, I called my mother and offered to pay one of the household bills. It might have been the Good Girl in me that made me do it, not wanting to seem selfish or hard-hearted. But, when I think about it now, I think that perhaps paying rent at home is good practice for me, after all.

It seems that my only means of resolving this particular issue is to vacate the couch immediately and strike out my own. However, the Real Girl in me wants to reform my mother's views of the role I should - and feasibly can - play in supporting my family emotionally and financially as an adult. I expect to learn a few things myself in the process.