Dear Friends,

Although most schools are still in session, it already feels like summer is here. Last night we enjoyed lollygagging with girls and mothers in our Real Parents, Real Daughters workshop. Nobody wanted to go home as we performed scenes from the girls’ lives, practiced eye contact and strong body language, and then scraped the bottom of the brownie pan clean before saying good-bye.  The new moon signaled the start of a new season―a season of playing hard, long nights outside, ice cream and watermelon, but best of all, the season that gives us time to be with family and real friends.

We are preparing for 85 girls to attend our programs this summer. As we embark on two new programs, and carrying on our old favorite traditions (water fight anyone?), we are always asking ourselves: what makes GLI unique? What is the GLI experience that girls and parents can’t get anywhere else? To help us understand the impact of GLI we’ve asked a few of our participants to share their GLI stories.

We’re sharing four of those stories with you here. Some are small moments in the office, and some are life-changing decisions. Below are four stories of how GLI camps or workshops impacted the lives of three girls and a mom. We would love to gather more of these stories. If reading these reminds you of your own GLI moment or life impact, please email us your own story, big or small.

We also want to fill you in on the latest news from our founder, Rachel Simmons, as she prepares her fall book tour. Save the date! Rachel will be teaching the Leadership for Life curriculum, the social emotional learning program of the Girls Leadership Institute, on October 23-26, 2009 in New York.  Registration opens June 19, 2009. There will only be 27 spots available for interested teachers, counselors, clinicians and community leaders.

We wish you a joyous summer with real friends and lots of laughter.

All my best,

Simone Marean
Executive Director  
Girls Leadership Institute
 

Chelsea’s Story. We just met Chelsea this month at our Real Parents, Real Daughter Workshop. She is in the 6th grade and plays a mean game of Woosh.
“Hahaha!” I giggled as I threw an index card into the trash. 

Samantha, my friend, and I were cleaning out our desks.  Danielle, another girl in our class, was watching us with a sort of evil look on her face. 

“Ewhmygosh, Chelsea!” Danielle yelled, “You’re passing mean notes about me-AGAIN!”

“WH-what?”  I stuttered, confused.

“She wasn’t passing notes about you,” Samantha started, “We were just--“

“LALALALALA!”  She yelled as she covered her ears and danced around.  “I’m, like, sooooo going to believe that!”  She said.  “You are always passing notes about me and saying mean things.”   And with that, she walked away.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Sorry, that’s a lot of information.  Let’s take a step back.  First of all, I’m Chelsea and I’m in sixth grade. I’m someone who is considered a teacher’s pet, for I always turn in my homework, get good grades, and follow the rules.  That means that I DO NOT pass notes!  Samantha and I were actually looking at an index card in which we wrote our names with our opposite writing hand and with our eyes closed.  It was NOT about someone.  Danielle is the type of person who jumps to conclusions.  For instance, whenever she hears her name, she starts yelling at the person who said it.  Okay, back to the story.

Whatever, I thought as I walked out to P.E., What could she do?
Well apparently, she can do a lot!  Within 20 minutes, there were rumors floating around about how I was on a diet.  (Oh, yeah.  A couple weeks ago she had pinched me and said that I was way overweight!)  She also told everyone what happened but switched the story around so that I was the bad guy.  Some people started giving me the cold shoulder. 

That’s it! I thought, this has got to stop.

I decided to confront her and use an “I Statement” to tell her how I felt.

“Hi, Danielle!”  I said merrily, “I really don’t want to ruin our friendship with all this fighting.”  I took a deep breath and continued.  “I felt really hurt and confused when you didn’t believe me about the index card.  I also felt infuriated when you started spreading rumors about me.  I--” she cut me off. 

“Talk to the hand, loser!”  She cackled.

I gasped, shocked.  I hadn’t expected her to say something so mean!  Fortunately, all the 6th graders had seen the whole scene and realized that she was actually the bad guy!

Eventually, Danielle and I worked things out.  When I shared my “I Statement” with her I felt really strong.  I felt as if I had the power to resolve the conflict.  Even though we didn’t work it out right away, when I shared how I felt there was a weight taken off my back.  I had done the right thing.  Now no one could blame me for making the conflict worse because I had tried to fix it.  Since then, she has never been mean to me.  I think I proved to her that if she tried to start a conflict, it would just backfire on her.  I am really glad that I shared my feelings, and I hope that people reading this will have the courage to do so too. 

Cindy’s Story. Cindy’s daughter attended our GLI Summer Camp and had such a great time that they decided to join us for a Parent-Daughter Workshop last October.
 
An infamously difficult colleague brought me to the breaking point after numerous instances of power tripping at my expense. This day, it was just another routine example of both hoarding information and misrepresenting the truth in order to advance herself, but it was a final straw. My instinct was to explode and yell, "You are the most difficult person I've ever had the displeasure of working with and everyone despises you. You have lied and hidden information from me for the last time." But then I realized that the "you" word was very prominent, and I remembered the feelings chart from my GLI mother/daughter weekend.

Anger, hatred and disgust were definitely not productive emotions to mention. I mentally rephrased what I wanted to say by starting with "I" instead of "you," as I learned at GLI, and stating my “inside feelings.” So my words became:  "I felt very unhappy to be left out of the planning for X, and I felt embarrassed when the boss asked for details and I had no idea what he was even referring to."

I figured I was taking the high road and that was reward enough, but to my surprise, she was chagrined. It's only been two days since I substituted a GLI sentence for an instinctual sentence, but the change in her so far has been dramatic. We'll see what happens long term, but it appears GLI can change people who've never even heard of it, by simply crossing paths with those who have.  

Leila’s story. Leila is a second grader who took our Real Mothers, Real Daughters Workshops this month with her mom. She has great energy and is always eager to share her thoughts.
I was walking back from music class at school. Sue asked if I could hold her music folder. I said "yes." I held her music folder while she threw her pencil case into the air and caught it. She did it a few times. A few times she dropped it. I felt like I would like to do it as well.

I said, "Can you hold your music folder now?" She answered, "Come on, just a little bit longer?"

"No," I said. She still didn't stop, so I dropped her music folder. She said, "You didn't have to do that. You could have just brought it to me."

I felt really frustrated that I had done that to my best friend. Everyone crowded around her because all the girls like her. I could hear them whisper about me, saying something like "Leila is so stupid." I felt scared that I might lose all my friends. I kept a smile on my face that was a kind of face that meant I felt really bad inside and fine on the outside.

Another girl, Molly, who always laughs at my jokes, was also with Sue. I said "hi" and made a really funny smile. Everybody looked back at me. Molly said "duh". She is usually so nice to me so I didn't understand why she did that. I had to walk back alone. I felt really sad.

When school was over I still felt really bad. I told my mom everything. The next day I didn't say anything to any of the girls. At recess I started talking because I recognized that they had all forgotten about it.

Later that day, Sue and I had a play date together. In the car we practiced role-play, like I had learned at GLI. We figured out some other ways we could have been. I said I could have not dropped her music folder. She said she could have not whispered mean things about me to the other girls. It was like doing a GLI Double Sorry.
We still get into fights but we get over it fast and the fights are not as big as this one. I chose to write about this one because it is one of my biggest ones.
 

Kate’s Story. Kate attended GLI Summer Camp in 2007 during a major turning point in her life.  We can’t believe where she is headed now!
I had grown up in Neshannock since kindergarten, with the same small group of friends. These six girls were the ones I talked to in classes and shared a lunch table with. In ninth grade, all of that changed.

They started excluding me from plans, as they talked to me less and less. In classes, I would sit down and attempt to begin a conversation, only to find a back turned to me. I sat at the same lunch table to find six backs turned to me. For weeks, I went home without a word spoken to me.

I felt that my opinion no longer mattered, and my confidence was non-existent.  I started missing school because even the thought of entering the doors was impossible.

My parents and I made the decision together for me to leave school for the final grading period and finish my classes online. I was heartbroken. I once got good grades and loved classes, and now I was staring at a computer.

That summer, I attended the Girls Leadership Institute camp. When I arrived, I was united with girls who had been bullied, girls who were bullies themselves, and girls who had never encountered social aggression. This diverse community helped us work together on issues of building self-confidence, maintaining our relationships, and handling difficult conversations.

After two weeks of these life-changing, incredible lessons, I felt like a new person. The changes within me were definite, as I had learned the cause of my victimization had not been a fault of my own. I learned that I was not the problem. Knowing this, I was sure that this experience had readied me to return to school in the fall.

When I returned to school, I tried every technique I had learned to salvage my relationship with Neshannock. I needed to be able to attend school without fear. Unfortunately, this hope was unfounded. One day, I kept a tally of how many times I’d tried to make eye contact with people I passed in the hall. Out of 100 times, I was denied 96.

I realized that even as this new, confident person, my skills had no place where they could be used at Neshannock. It was time again for my parents and me to make a decision. I left school. I finished a year of cyber-school in three months. I craved a social environment, with actual people and actual classes. After much thought and extensive planning, at fifteen, I became a college student.

The work was challenging at first, though I adapted and ended up on the Dean’s List.
My struggle, though, is not my definition. I go beyond it, every day, as I blend in with college students, earn my grades, value each day of my experience, and live as the person, the young woman that I have become.

I am in constant wonder where this experience will take me next. Starting in August, I will be studying abroad for my senior year as a Rotary Exchange Student. I will be living in Jodoigne, Belgium.

I am overwhelmed and nervous, though I know that without the experience of these past three years, I would have never been able to take this leap on my own. I would not have believed in myself, my independence, and my ability to adapt. Now, I believe in that more than anything.
 

Rachel Simmons Update
Get ready for a season on Rachel updates because she is gearing-up to return to the U.S. with a bang! There is an upcoming book release, PBS special, book tour, new blog and website, but for now you may want to note the following:
•    Rachel is Twittering like crazy. To follow can follow her at racheljsimmons
•    Rachel just taped a Dr. Robin show on Oprah Radio. To catch the show, go to Oprah Radio on XM Satellite on June 10, 2009. Dr. Robin airs at 4:00am, 10:00am and 9:00pm EST.
•    Save the Date! Rachel is teaching the GLI Curriculum in NYC in New York on October 23- 25, 2009. Registration opens June 19, 2009.
•    Save the Date: Rachel is speaking at the Gunn School in Palo Alto on Thursday September 24, 2009 at 7:00pm.
 

May Girl Find
Discovery Girls Magazine called to ask us if they could send over some magazines to see if we like them. The next week there were NINE BOXES of Discovery Girls at our doorstep. At first we panicked, but then we discovered that we approved of the content and our girls and parents LOVED it. Click here to see for yourself.

For our older girls, we love I Heart Daily, a daily blog for girls that doesn’t limit us to “girly stuff.” Yes, they give us the low down on beauty and style, but they also keep us in the know on news, entertainment and girl activists and leaders. Just today they told us about dosomething.org, a site that could help fund our Sophomore Summer activist projects!

Surf Camp
Want to learn to surf or sharpen your surf skills?
Do you want to feel like you can be your true self and make amazing new friends?
Ready to leave your limits behind?

Girls Leadership Surf Camp is three full days of empowering workshops, intense surf lessons and amazing friendships. What better place to master the challenges of life than on a surf board? Through surfing you will learn to listen to your internal voice, take healthy risks, set new goals, deepen your emotional intelligence, practice accepting criticism and build lasting friendships. Located at the Sheraton Resort in Carlsbad, CA, GLI Surf Camp is the perfect place to get one last dose of summer and prepare to start the school year as the girl you want to be.

Location: Sheraton Resort in Carlsbad, CA
Dates: Friday, August 21- 23, 2009
Age: Girls going in grades 9-12 in fall 2009

To learn more or save your spot for this summer workshop click here.